My Sister, the Mad Scientist
by King Zairak
Summary: A Humor fic I plan to do in my downtime, starring my OC Prof. Saisei from AzuDisgaea as Sakaki's quirky older sister. NOT DEAD! Just very busy at school as of 4/4/2010.
1. Enter Saisei Sakaki

My Sister, the Mad Scientist, an Azumanga Fanfic - Chapter 1:Enter Saisei Sakaki

**AN:This is technically related to one of my OCs in AzuDisgaea, but you really don't need to read that to understand this.**

--

"Come on! Little sis, It's time to get up! It's time for your first day of high school!" If Sakaki was awake, this would probably be what she was hearing right now, but she was in a deep sleep, "Probably lost in a dream about kittens or something." the girl outside the door thought to herself.

She quietly crept into Sakaki's room "Hehehe, I guess I'll have to try another method."

--

Sakaki woke up to the feeling of something on her chest, her expression turned from sleepy to shock when she saw a pair of hands on her breasts. She slowly turned her head to the face of her sister, Saisei, grinning playfully.

"AHHH!" Sakaki screamed and practically jumped to the other side of the room. Saisei sat up on the bed and began laughing uncontrollably. "Ahahahaha! You should see the look on your face!"

"Did you just grope me?!"

"It was a sisterly grope, completely and totally platonic."

"That doesn't even make sense!"

"In theory every gesture can have a different meaning depending on the culture, so yes it does make sense. Now get ready! This is probably the first time we could be in the same class!" Saisei left as Sakaki got herself ready.

In one word, how would Sakaki describe her older sister? Quirky, that would probably be best. Ever since they were kids Saisei was always an oddball, a mad scientist so to speak. When they went toy shopping as kids, while Sakaki went for stuffed animals, Saisei looked into chemistry sets. She'd even made the basement into her own private lab. It really wasn't too bad, the worst case being one time when she was 12 and Sakaki was 11, Sakaki walked in as her sister was dissecting a frog.

She was a genius, no matter how quirky she was. So she had always been getting offers to attend all sorts of private schools. Which she had gone to throughout middle school, then in her first year of high school, she seemed to burn out, and ended up getting kicked out due to her failing grades. This is the part Sakaki dreaded, they were in the same grade now, and, despite her so called 'burn out' Saisei managed to get accepted into the same school as Sakaki. This meant they could end up in the same class, which would most likely lead to a repeat of elementary school, where Saisei embarrassed her every step of the way, one thing she remembered in particular from her second last year of grade school, "Hehe, you should be proud, little sis! You're developing way faster than any of these other girls!" and that was just the tip of the iceberg. Of course, her 'cool' persona was a result of Saisei's antics as well, most people thought she was quiet because she wasn't bothered by her sister's antics, but really she was just embarrassed, which just lead to shyness.

Sakaki knew things would be the same as before if they ended up in the same class, so all she could do is hope. The two walked along on their way to the school, Saisei stood a few centimeters shorter than her sister, despite being older, her hair was cut short, and messy, when they were kids she kept it in a ponytail for 'lab safety purposes' but she had said that the time taken to keep track of hair that long in the morning took time a way from vital lab procedures, so one day she decided to hack it all off. She also wore a pair of oval glasses, the only reason she hadn't switched to contacts was the idea of keeping up the traditional scientist look, which was also why her wardrobe contained no less than twelve lab coats.

The walk was pretty ordinary, it was early so neither was in the mood for talking, Sakaki also still a little angry about her sister's actions that morning. The silence was broken by Saisei's sudden sneezing, "A-choo!" She looked over to see a small grey cat sitting on a stone wall beside her, "I figured as much, well I'm not gonna let my allergies act up on the first day, come on, let's keep--" CHOMP! As Saisei had begun to walk away, it seemed Sakaki had tried to pet it. "Not again..." she thought as the cat sprinted away, "Ever since she was little."

The rest of the walk went on without incident, and they finally made it to the school. Sakaki looked over the class listings to find her name in Yukari Tanizaki's class, class 3. Then to her horror, right under her name was the name Saisei Sakaki. "Woo-hoo! We get to be in the same class, little sis! This is going to be so much fun!" Saisei said, hugging Sakaki. "Oh no..." was all that came to her mind.

--

They entered the classroom to find the teacher wasn't there, even though class was about 5 minutes from starting. Sakaki took a spot by the window, Saisei actually went over to a different seat, "Kaori."

"Saisei."

"You know, my security system picked up some suspicious movement the other night, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that? Would you?"

"Nope nothing, maybe you should stop being so paranoid. It was probably just a large dog or something."

"Don't give me that, Kaori. Look, I don't mind if you like my sister, but the whole stalking thing has to stop. You've been doing it since middle school, It's not healthy." While Saisei had not gone to school with Sakaki at that time, she had become aware of Kaorin's obsession.

"Well, if I just had some pictures you could lend me..."

"I could get a restraining order."

"Anyway, what the hell are you doing here anyway? Shouldn't you be in the next class up?"

"I have my reasons."

At that point, the teacher walked in, a little out-of breath, and apparently embarrassed at something she had just said.


	2. Meeting the Gang

**My Sister, the Mad Scientist - Chapter 2:Meeting the Gang**

Oddly enough, the first few days went on without incident, Saisei had officially taken her seat next to Sakaki now, and was enjoying what would be her short reign as the top student in the class. This all went on until the arrival of a new student.

"Everyone, this is Chiyo Mihama, she's only ten but she's smart enough to be in high school."

"Hello, I'm Chiyo Mihama, It's nice to meet you." The girl said timidly.

"And don't pick on her just because she's a little runt!"

The entire class sweatdropped, until...

"No frickin' way! That's impossible!" Saisei shouted from her chair.

"Oh no, it's started..." Sakaki thought to herself

"My super-scientific brain didn't let me skip grades, there's no way this kid is smarter than me! I propose a dissection! For Science!"

Saisei had immediately established herself as the weird one. From that point on, everyone would know of her mad scientist personality, and those she knew from elementary school would get a quick refresher course.

--

Gym Class, Later that day...

"Isn't Sakaki-san the coolest!?" Kaorin found herself discussing with Rachel, "She seems scary, but she's cooler than most of the guys here."

"Yeah, but her sister is a bit of a nut..."

"You have no idea...she has this massive security system around there house! Even the slightest movement could trigger it!"

"And how do you know this?"

"Uhh...well..." Kaorin turned away and suddenly got a quick glimpse of Sakaki's underwear, she began to blush until Saisei got in the way, "Alright, shows over, move along."

"Ugh, you again?"

"You know, it's bad enough I have to be watching her back in case any guys give her trouble, but now I've gotta deal with you for three years!"

"You could just stop being so damn overprotective and getting in my way!"

Of course, Rachel just looked on in bewilderment.

--

"It doesn't make sense, you know?" Tomo was randomly talking to Yomi in the classroom.

"What doesn't make sense?"

"Saisei! She wears glasses, gets good grades, but she's fun! Not boring and stuck up like you."

"What did you say?!" Yomi shouted.

"It doesn't matter! I'll challenge both her and Chiyo-chan in school!"

"And I accept your challenge!" Saisei shouted from her desk.

The stage is set...

"Chiyo-chan, do you know the answer?"

"Hehe, sorry I don't."

"ME! ME!" Tomo shouted

"Alright, then Tomo."

"I don't know either!"

"My Turn!" Saisei shouted, "And I don't know as well!"

"Looks like this one's a tie!" Tomo shouted back

"You are indeed a worthy opponent Tomo Takino!"

"Eh...what?" Chiyo asked, smiling nervously.

--

"The challenge! Part two! I'm going to beat Sakaki and Saisei at sports!"

"Ehehehe, yeah, sorry, I suck at athletics..." Saisei said

"Say what? But you're Sakaki's sister!"

"Yeah, well, the thing is, she got born with natural athleticism, I got natural intelligence, but she was also born pretty smart, while I still suck at sports because with the advent of new technology, the idea of physical labor is pointless to me."

Tomo rubbed her head, "Ehh...well, I understood most of that...I think...Sakaki! Race me!"

And once again, the stage is set...

"Hold on!" Tomo shouted, "Sakaki, your boobs are 8cm bigger than mine, please step 8cm back!"

Sakaki blushed and moved back

"Hey that's not fair!" Kaorin shouted

"8cm..." Yomi mumbled to herself

"Oh yeah, that's another family trait." Saisei added, laughing.

And the race was on, Tomo took an early lead...which lasted about 3 seconds, and then she fell to a crushing defeat...

"I didn't lose! I was the runner-up!"

"Idiot."

--

A few more days and it turns out there was another new student, Ayumu Kasuga, from Osaka. She seemed normal enough at first, though you could tell she was a little spacy just by looking into her eyes.

At the end of the day, she had gained the nickname Osaka, thanks to Tomo.

The first real incident of her weirdness came from a discussion of why they call it a pair of panties, when there's only just one. Which left Osaka musing about the connections between panties and guns. This flexible way of thinking intrigued Saisei, "I propose a dissection! Once again, for Science!"

"Nuh uh! I don't want you pokin' around inside my brain!" Osaka shouted.

"Damn! Then I suppose a case study is in order! But then again, I'm already observing Chiyo-chan to understand how she ticks...which is mostly a comparative study of test scores, still in progress. But we'll have to discuss various topics at some point, some of the greatest scientists were eccentric thinkers, much like yourself!"

"Oh! I did science once! I wanted to see what would happen if I put my tinfoil hat inside the microwave! I wasn't allowed to use the microwave for another month after that."

"Another misguided fool! Tinfoil hats do nothing to protect from alien mind control! That's all science fiction! You just need to carry a heavy lead sheet wherever you go...granted the physical exhaustion turned out worse than the mind control."

"Wait! What about a lead foil cap!?"

"Brilliant!"

It would seem Saisei and Osaka were going to become good friends.

--

"Tomo's right, it doesn't make sense."

"Aaah!" Yomi jumped from her chair as she saw Saisei was right in her face, "What? What do you want?"

"Well, you have glasses, and get good grades, just like I do, but you're stuck up and boring, and I'm all kinds of fun."

"Did Tomo put you up to this?" Yomi asked, very annoyed.

"Hehe, yeah, but I agreed to it!"

"Any reason why?"

"I figured a light-hearted joke might start us off on the right foot. So friends?"

"I barely know you."

"Acquaintances, yet still leaning toward friends then?" Saisei asked, extending her hand.

"Alright, I can deal with that." Yomi said, smirking, and extending her hand as well.

--

The day ended and everyone headed their separate ways, Saisei and Sakaki began to make the walk home.

"So, why did you end up failing last year?" Sakaki suddenly asked, "I know you, there's no way school could cause you to overload."

"A couple of reasons actually, first of all, private school is boring, and with everyone pressuring me, I saw it as the only way out. The other reason was for your protection."

"What?" Sakaki asked, unsure of what her sister meant.

"Let's face it, over the years you've, well you've 'grown' and I know how high school boys can get, I figure the best way to keep the worst of the lot at bay is a constant reminder that your big sis is a total nutcase. And what better way than if I'm in the same school, grade, and homeroom as you?"

Sakaki giggled, sure there were other ways, but her sister's heart was in the right place, "Well, you're still insane." Sakaki added jokingly

"Is there any other way to live?"

--

A.N. Yes, my explanation for why Saisei decided to fail a year is probably not the greatest, but I'll admit it, I was running out of ideas. And I'll also admit it was a pretty cheap cop-out with her and Yomi talking, but I'm not sure what to make of thier interactions yet.

And anyone who doesn't know, Rachel is the fan-given name to the random student who has the two braided pigtails.


	3. Keep Out of Reach of Saisei

**My Sister, the Mad Scientist - Chapter 3:Keep Out of Reach of Saisei**

Saisei's actions in the early days of the school year left a bit of a mark, whether it be her career inventory, listing her possible professions as Geneticist (specializing in Human Cloning), Chemist (explosions only please), or Weapons Manufacturer (A death-ray in every home by 2012!), or more prominently, the moments following Kimura's outburst.

"Question!" Tomo shouted, "Kimura-sensei! Why did you decide to be a high school teacher?"

"Because I like high school girls and stuff!" He shouted in reply.

This led to Tomo and Yomi discussing Kimura's being a pervert and getting interrupted by the praises of the boys in the class...and Saisei. "You two are simply too close-minded, most every man over the age of forty, as well as most male high school teachers, have a thing for teenaged girls, I mean come on! We're hot! Kimura just has the guts to admit it!"

Honestly, Saisei had to be the first female in the school's history to defend Kimura, prompting Yomi's own reaction, "You can't be serious, admitting it makes it all the more creepy!"

"You know, it annoys me, the double-standard set by people these days...If Kimura-sensei was in any way attractive, I'm sure no one would mind that he had a thing for high school girls, not to mention if a female teacher had a thing for high school boys, no one would bat an eye." It was really getting scary how much Saisei was sticking up for Kimura.

"Hell, if I was a teacher I'd still like high school boys...or girls...frankly I don't know what I like...an experiment is in order!"

"How can you experiment on something like that?" Tomo was confused, not to say Yomi wasn't either, it was a pretty random thing to say.

"Simple," She first motioned over to Ohyama, "Ohyama, could you come here for a moment?"

He grumbled, "What is it Saisei-san?"

"An experiment..." She smirked, as she drew closer to him and planted a passionate kiss on his lips.

Upon realizing what was going on, Ohyama pushed her away, "What the Hell?!"

Saisei was busy with something else, "Hmm, interesting..." She began jotting some notes down on a small notepad. "Now for step two!"

"Wait who are you go--" Yomi was interrupted by the same type of kiss Saisei gave Ohyama, and the reaction was all the same, "What the Hell?!" Yomi shouted, blushing furiously.

"Hm, I figured you were into that kind of thing, given the time you spend around Tomo, but it looks like that hypothesis was wrong" She said, jotting down more notes, she then put down the notepad and began moving her hands in an up and down motion, as it weighing something on a scale., "Hmm...still can't say for sure, both seemed pretty fun...maybe I'm bi?" She then laughed and thought to herself, _"Maybe Kaori will settle for less than my little sis." _She began laughing even harder, _"Me? With Kaori? Yeah right! I may be crazy, but not that crazy!"_

--

It wasn't too hard to tell that Saisei's weakest subject was PE, her long legs at least kept her ahead of Chiyo, Tomo, and Osaka at running, but honestly her playing ability was otherwise pathetic. She really hated it, "Physical activity takes away vital hours spent in the lab!" She loved giving Nyamo a hard time about it. This excluded time spent at the school pool.

Saisei seemed to enjoy the water, not so much swimming, but the water, when they didn't have to do laps, she would lay on her back and float along effortlessly, "We all came from the water, it doesn't hurt every now and then to return to it...sort of has a calming effect, huh?" She floated by Sakaki, who'd just recovered from the idea of the 'Kitty Paddle," apparently the cat equivalent to the Doggy Paddle. She then noticed something about her sister, "No glasses?"

"Always afraid I'll lose them in the pool," She replied, eyes closed, still floating. "Funny conversation in the locker room, wasn't it? I guess we're both 'American'" she chuckled.

"Not that again..." Sakaki said, blushing.

"Don't be so modest! All I know is that if this school let us wear a two-piece to the pool, I'd be all over it!"

"Yahoo!" Kimura had shouted from behind the fence

"See?! Someone agrees! You tell 'em Kimura-kun!"

Nyamo sighed, "Don't encourage him..."

--

Chiyo had come upon Saisei looking through a stack of papers, "What's all this Saisei-san?"

"Well, if you must know, it's my personal case study on you."

"Wh-what?!"

"Well...since I'm not allowed to perform a dissection and take a look inside that oh so valuable brain of yours, the closest I can do is compare our test scores. And from what I've seen, my scores are better in Math and Science, but only by a little, while you've got me beat in everything else...but what does it all mean? How can you be this smart? At this age? Imagine if I could be a kid again with the knowledge I have now!...That's it! I'll transplant my brain into your body! Then I can get an extra few years to build my own knowledge! Then again...maybe there's a way to get the knowledge portion of your brain and integrate it with mine, then I at least get to keep my boobs."

Chiyo's face went white, was she serious? And how could Saisei and Sakaki be so different?

--

Saisei walked by Osaka before the very end of the school day, "The pigtails, they're the secret."

"What?" Osaka replied.

"Chiyo-chan's intelligence, I think they each have another brain inside of them, it's the only explanation. I tried to remain in the realm of rational thought, but it can't be done. Which is why I've come to you, my irrational and highly unconventional friend."

"Oh, I knew all that already, didn't hafta tell me. Shoulda just asked in the first place."

"How was I supposed to know that you knew?"

"We got a mental link, y'know? Ever since we joined forces against the aliens, even if I'm sure you're harborin' clones somewhere."

"I never got what you had against clones, they can be made to do whatever you want!"

"They ain't the ones I'm worried about, it's the ones like in them Star Wars movies I'm worried about."

"A clone army? Useless. Servants would be so much more fun."

This was pretty much how the two talked every day.

--

Another day, another walk home for the two sisters, at which point they happened upon Kamineko, "That cat has some amazing mental capabilities, I think it has something to do with it's disproportionately large head...I have to dissect it!" Sakaki went wide-eyed at the thought of this, but before she could say anything, Saisei was off like a shot after him with what appeared to be a tranquilizer gun, which she'd seemingly taken from her school bag.

Saisei kept missing her shots, Kamineko was too fast, "Get back here you little bastard! Be a good little animal and die in the name of science!" She continued to chase until she'd reached a dead end, "I've got you now!" she was sure she'd won, until multiple other cats came out, and Saisei's allergies began to take effect, she could feel her eyes begin to water, and her sneezing began, she ran as fast as she could in the opposite direction, "Crap! Crap! Crap! He's too good! Run!" She shouted, running past Sakaki.

--

A.N.- This entire chapter has the scenes that came into my mind that inspired me to write this. Also, the timeline in the story is sort of becoming a mish-mash of both the manga and the anime continuity. That and I know that the manga and anime finished their run before Either Star Wars episode II or III, but Osaka's line was too good to pass up.\

That and this is a humor fic, so while Saisei made jokes about Tomo and Yomi, as well as her own sexuality, I'm not gonna get into pairings in this.


End file.
